


I Love You, Too

by Cate Shaw (Bluebell84)



Category: Michael Fassbender - Fandom
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-22
Updated: 2014-10-22
Packaged: 2018-02-22 05:30:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2496209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluebell84/pseuds/Cate%20Shaw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kit says goodbye to her boyfriend one last time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Love You, Too

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning: suicidal thoughts

Cold autumn rain beat against the window pane of the candle lit bathroom. The tiny flames danced upon wicks as a soulful jazz singer crooned silently, faintly echoing across the tile floor. Kit sank lower into the lavender bubbles, sighing as the warm bath water engulfed her. Lower and lower she slipped into the water, covering herself completely. She held her breath for as long as she could until her lungs felt like they were burning. Keeping control, she exhaled slowly, air bubbles making their way to the surface. Eyes wide open, she enjoyed the hazy cocoon until the flickering flames disappeared. Kit blinked, still under water, thinking her mind was playing tricks on her. She opened her eyes again to find it was not. Sitting up quickly, she gasped for oxygen, water splashing over the side of the tub. Rubbing the water from her eyes, she glanced at the candles around the room. By the pale moonlight and flashes of lightning, she noticed the phantom-like wisps of smoke slithering upward, evidence of the candles suddenly being extinguished. A clap of thunder made her jump, more water spilling over the edge.

“Oh, for Pete’s sake,” she said to herself. She reached forward and unplugged the drain before standing. The water gurgled down the drain loudly. Grabbing a towel on the wall nearby, she wrapped it around her torso before stepping out. Water dripped down her back until she wrung it out of her hair, taking care to lean over the tub to not cause an even bigger mess.

Rubbing herself down, she tossed the towel aside and grabbed her favorite bottle of lotion next to the sink, squeezing a fair amount into her palm. She sat on the edge of the tub and gently smeared the lotion over her legs, working it into her skin. She missed when Michael used to do it for her. It had become a bit of a routine for them. Kit felt her heart sink, thinking about him. Taking a deep breath, she pushed him from her mind and stood, reaching for the light switch.

The bulbs to the vanity mirror above the sink brightened the bathroom and Kit stopped in her tracks, noticing the steam from her bath had coated the mirror. In the center, three simple words were written, droplets of water sliding down the glass from the edge of each letter. They were written so long ago that Kit had forgotten about them. It had been so long since she’d taken a shower or bath long enough for steam to fog up the mirror. Kit did her best not to sob, staring straight ahead at the “I love you” Michael had etched onto the mirror with his finger the last time she took a bath. She shook with anger, tears threatening to erupt any second.

Another burst of lightning followed immediately by thunder snapped her out of her self-pity. For a second, she considered smearing the words away with her towel, thus erasing the pain they brought with them. She didn’t want the reminder that Michael would never say those words to her again. For now, she left them there, turning off the light and stepping out of the room onto the plush carpet of her bedroom, the music from her playlist fading as she walked away.

A chill breeze skirted across her skin, goosebumps tightening all over her. A violent shiver sent her sprinting for the open window on the opposite side of the room. It was open just a few inches, possibly enough to somehow snuff out the candles, Kit concluded. She didn’t remember opening it recently, but she also didn’t really care. She was exhausted. Hastily, she pulled the curtains over the window and snatched her robe off the oversized chair. Piles of books stacked at the side of the chair on the floor made her frown. Michael’s ever growing “to-read” pile. Kit slipped her arms into the sleeves of her robe and crashed backwards to the bed, bouncing in place once. 

Michael invaded her thoughts, no matter how hard she fought to think of anything other than him. She turned her head to the chair and saw the last time she sat there, legs dangling over the chair’s arm, absent-mindedly chewing her nails with an open book in her lap. Michael sat on the floor with his back against the front of the chair, reading a book of his own. Kit fingered his hair as she read, pausing only to turn the pages. Michael laid his head back and watched her face, chuckling at the different expressions she made while reading.

Kit felt him watching her and glanced down to meet his eyes. “May I help you?” she smiled.

“I love you.” His eyes burned into her as he grinned.

Kit giggled and continued to play with his hair, returning to her book. Michael playfully groaned and returned to his own reading.

They’d secretly been seeing each other for six months and Kit had yet to return his confessions of love. She did love him. But she knew if she said the words aloud, she was done for. Being with Michael scared her. He was a famous actor and they had to keep their relationship a secret to ensure privacy. In a way, Kit felt if he didn’t want to show her off to the world, then he must not really love her as he said. It wasn’t fame she wanted, it wasn’t that she craved being in the spot-light along side him. She felt he was embarrassed or ashamed of her. No matter how often he told her he loved her, it didn’t feel like love, having to keep their relationship between the two of them.

After a reading a few more pages, Michael slammed his book shut and turned around to face her, on his knees. His face was level with her own. “Why won’t you say it?”

Keeping her eyes on the page in front of her, Kit sighed. It was the same fight over and over. “You know why, Michael.”

Michael snatched her book out of her lap and tossed it across the room.

“Hey!” Kit swung her legs down to the floor to stand, but Michael pinned her down, his hands on her thighs.

“Kit, please. Look at me.”

Kit bit her lower lip, determined to keep calm. A low growl emerged from Michael.

“Please don’t chew your lip. I’m trying to have a serious conversation here, sweetheart,” he reached up and cupped her cheek in his palm.

She swallowed hard and looked directly into his eyes. He looked sad. His brows were slightly furrowed and he donned a half smile.

“I can’t do this, Michael.”

He lowered his hand to her neck and thumbed the dip below her throat. Slowly he arose, hovering above her, bringing his lips to her own. He pressed her back against the chair, devouring her mouth.

Before Kit could get in too deep, she pushed him off and stood up. “Not now, Michael,” she stepped around him to get away. He did this often, trying to stop a serious argument by making out. Most of the time, she didn’t mind. But this time she couldn’t do it anymore.

His hand grasped her forearm firmly, pulling her back. “Kit,” he said sternly, “What do you want from me? What do I have to do?”

Traitorous tears fell down Kit’s cheek and Michael brushed them away. “It’s the same old song and dance, Michael. You say the words, but you won’t be seen with me in public. You push me away and even yell at me to keep my distance when we’re out!”

“That was one time, Kit!” He grasped her by the elbows, bringing her chest to his. “I said I was sorry,” he dropped his forehead to her, tears forming in his own eyes. “I’m trying to protect you. You have no idea what it’s like to never have any privacy, sweetheart. I’m afraid once we invite the rest of the world in that I’ll lose you. You’ll be scared off and leave me. I can’t let that happen. Please, Kit, you’ve got to believe me. God, I love you so much.”

Kit closed her eyes and dropped her head to his chest. He sunk his fingers into her hair, massaging her scalp, kissing the top of her head. He hugged her tightly until she looked back up. The tears in her eyes broke his heart. He was crazy about her and she couldn’t see it.

“Let’s go out. Tonight. No hiding. I’ll prove it to you, that I love you. I’ll do anything you want me to, Kit. I’ll even bring you with to the premiere next weekend, if that’s what you want.”

“I just want to be with you. I just want people to know you’re mine and I’m yours. I don’t care where we go, I just want to be able to hold your hand. I want to kiss you whenever the hell I want to,” Kit sniffled.

“And you will, I promise. We’ll go out tonight and we’ll make our first official debut as a couple at the premiere. No more secrets. I promise.”

Kit pushed herself up on her toes to reach his mouth and kissed him.

A boom of thunder shook the house and startled Kit awake. She hadn’t even known she’d fallen asleep. Music played faintly in the bathroom, reminding Kit she hadn’t turned the iPod off yet. The robe hung open around her and as she sat up, she closed it, tying it tight. She slipped off the bed and padded to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. While waiting for the kettle to boil, she switched on the telly, flipping through channels until she saw Michael’s face. She lowered the remote to her side, frozen in place. 

“…best known for his role as young Magneto in X-Men: First Class and X-Men: Days of Future Past, actor Michael Fassbender’s death continues to shock fans around the world. Earlier today, friends and family paid their respects at a private funeral as hoards of paparazzi and fans swarmed the outside of the catholic church. Our own Dominic Sullivan was at the scene interviewing mourning fans…”

Kit raised the remote to turn the telly off but she didn’t have the heart to. Instead, she hugged the remote to her chest and listened as several tearful fans spoke of how terrible it was that he was taken from them so soon. A lump formed in her throat when someone mentioned her name.

“…his girlfriend, Kit. I feel so bad for her. His death is going to be hanging over her head for the rest of her life.”

The news went back to the anchors in the newsroom and a new topic began.

Tears blurred her vision and she didn’t blink them away until the screeching whistle of the kettle sounded. 

Returning to the bedroom with a steaming cup of tea, Kit gently blew across the top of it to cool it down. She didn’t want to fall back to sleep. She didn’t want to dream of Michael anymore. The past week was the worst week of her entire life and she knew she would never feel normal again. Tears fell into her tea as she sat cross legged on the bed, back against the headboard. Everyone promised her sorrow would pass with time. But how would the time pass? Every second was agonizing. She couldn’t sleep and when she did, all she saw was him. She felt sick and placed her tea aside on the table next to the bed.

The flashes of cameras in her face that fateful night still haunted her. Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, she dropped her face to her hands and sobbed. She cried until she couldn’t breathe, choking for air. She sank off the bed to the floor and curled into a ball. Her insides felt like they were being torn apart. Her own stomach muscles hurt from crying so hard. She loved him. She loved him so much and he died before she could ever tell him. And it was her fault. If he hadn’t taken her to the premiere, they wouldn’t have been hounded by paparazzi. He wouldn’t have had to drive so fast to get away from them. He wouldn’t have lost control of his Jag and crashed into a pole.

“Please,” Kit whimpered between sobs. “Please bring him back! Take me instead!” She pounded a fist against the floor, punctuating each sentence. “I can’t live this way, I need you here,” she cried. 

She pushed herself up and staggered into the bathroom. She stared at her reflection, her skin blotched from crying. Wiping away the tears as best as she could, she looked around until she spotted her plastic shaving razor on the side of the tub. She snatched it and banged it against the side of the sink until the plastic around the blade broke. The razor fell to the floor and she knelt to pick it up. Carefully, between two fingers, she held it up before her, eyeing it’s sleek edges. The music from the playlist grew faint as nearly all her senses zoned in on the little rectangular slice of metal.

Kit swallowed hard as she stood, considering what she was about to do. She stepped backwards until the back of her knees hit the tub. She sat on the edge, still eyeing the razor. Glancing up, she looked at the mirror. His words weren’t there anymore, the steam of her bath having departed. She sobbed again and touched the razor to her wrist, lightly. She hadn’t even pressed it to her skin, yet the edge broke through her and she felt the sting of the cut. Her hand shook and she pulled the blade away, whimpering.

Suddenly, the songs on the iPod were changing on their own. Kit dropped the blade and gripped the edge of the tub at her sides, sitting up in fear. Different songs and voices surrounded the room until it stopped on a heavy metal song.

“Somebody please tell me that I’m dreaming  
It’s not easy to stop from screaming  
But words escape me when I try to speak  
Tears fall but why am I crying  
After all I’m not afraid of dying  
Don’t I believe that there never is an end.”

Kit recognized the Iron Maiden song. Michael often blared heavy metal, dancing around Kit, kicking his legs and licking his air guitar to make her laugh.

She rose and turned the iPod off, shaking. She stared at it in disbelief, not entirely sure what just happened. The iPod lit back up, a new song playing from the middle. Kit stepped back, frightened, until she recognized the song. The last time she’d heard it, Michael swayed her around the kitchen floor in his arms. Chris Martin sang,

“High up above or down below  
When you’re too in love to let it go  
But if you never try you’ll never know  
Just what you’re worth

Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you.”

Kit dropped to the floor, cradling herself, tears once again pouring out. She felt a hand caress her cheek and she looked up. Michael knelt beside her, radiantly glowing. He was wearing the same jacket and slacks he wore to the premiere. The same outfit he had died in. 

She blinked hard, but he was still there. He gave her a sad smile and took her hands, pulling her up.

“M-Michael?” Kit recoiled, away from his touch.

He grinned, tears brimming his eyes. “Hi, darling.”

“Am I dead?”

“No,” he reached for her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing her wrist where the blade had broken her skin. “Please don’t do this, Kit. Why would you want to hurt yourself?”

“I… I don’t want to live like this.”

“Like what?”

“Without you.”

He pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her. “I’m sorry, baby girl.” His embrace felt strangely different; softer, like being hugged by a cloud and not necessarily a human being.

Kit looked up. She had so many questions but didn’t know where to begin. Michael could sense this and spoke first. “We only have a little while, love. I came to say goodbye.”

“No,” Kit whimpered, placing her cheek against his chest. There was no heartbeat, she noticed. “I’m so sorry, Michael. I’m so sorry.”

“Shh, Kit. Don’t. It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have been driving so fast. I was trying to protect you. You mustn’t blame yourself, please.”

They held each other, not wanting to let go. “How much longer do we have?” Kit asked.

“I’m not sure. But not long.”

“Michael?” She looked up, resting her chin against him. 

He looked down and pressed a kiss to her nose. “Hmm?”

“I love you. I love you, I love you,” she began to cry again.

Michael lifted her and held her, carrying her out of the bathroom. She clung to him, arms tight around him, her face buried into his neck. He still smelled the same.

Gently, Kit was dropped to the bed and Michael climbed in next to her. He kissed her bare shoulder which had been exposed by her loosened robe. Kit sighed, happily. Michael grabbed the robe below her shoulder and pulled it back even more, baring her chest. His lips trailed over her neck and down to the valley between her breasts. He took a nipple into his mouth and sucked hard before flicking his tongue over the other. Kit arched her back and he slipped an arm behind her, pulling her up to kiss him.

“Oh, Michael,” she moaned into his mouth. She ran her fingers through his hair and slipped his jacket off his shoulders. Michael shook his arms out of it and pulled away to unbutton his shirt. Bare chested, he lunged back at Kit, yanking her robe completely off. He cupped her breasts again and took them into his mouth, kissing and licking.

Kit fumbled with the button of his slacks and pushed them down. She smiled seeing his erection spring free. “Are we allowed to do this?”

Michael shrugged. “I guess we’ll find out. I’m not wasting any time.” He softly pressed her back against the bed and stretched out beside her. He tugged on her lips with his teeth as his fingers trailed down her torso, teasing the soft flesh below her belly. Lower and lower, his fingers tickled down her skin until they came in contact with her sex. Kit moaned in anticipation. Michael slicked his fingers between her wet folds, coating them well. He moaned at her arousal and took her mouth with his, hard. Kit lifted her hips, begging for more. Michael smiled against her mouth and slipped one finger inside, his thumb pressing against her hardened clit. Kit’s eyes rolled back at the touch, her mouth agape. Michael watched her facial expressions, becoming harder for her. He added another finger, pumping vigorously, the scent of her arousal hanging heavily in the air. 

“You are so fucking beautiful, Kit,” he nipped at her jaw. He saw her beginning to shake, her climax beginning within her limbs.

“Michael,” she moaned. “Don’t leave me.”

“I’m right here, baby.”

“Please don’t leave me,” she cried. He pressed against her sweet spot and her orgasm overtook her, full force. Pinching her clit took her higher than she thought was possible. Michael slowly pulled his fingers out and sucked her juices off, grinning ear to ear.

“Let’s just be in this moment right now, Kit. Tell me you love me.”

“I love you. I love you so much, Michael. I’m sorry I never said it before. I always did love you.”

Michael hovered over her, lining up with her before slowly pressing himself in. Completely buried into her, Kit dug her nails into his back and wrapped her legs around his narrow hips. Michael pressed his weight against her, his jaw against the crook of her neck. Kit leaned into his scruff, loving the way it scratched against her cheek. At first, Michael slowly pumped himself into her before she began to whine for more.

“Fuck me, Michael, please,” she begged.

Michael pounded against her, grunting and groaning as Kit squirmed beneath him and cried out as another orgasm erupted, her walls pulsing around his cock.

“Oh god,” he grunted, finding his own release. He collapsed at her side, peppering her face with kisses. 

Kit curled against him, her naked body bathed in his warmth. He lazily caressed his fingers up and down her back, humming with his face nuzzled into her hair. She looked up to face him, his angelic glow becoming more intense.

“Michael?” 

With sad eyes, he looked down at her. “I think it’s almost time,” he gave her a half smile.

Kit swallowed the lump in her throat. She knew how lucky she was to be able to get this moment with him. She forced her tears to stay away. She didn’t want them to blur her last look at him. “Are you sure?”

Michael nodded, “Yeah, I feel… strange. Like I’m drifting.”

Kit placed a hand on either side of his face, bringing his mouth to hers. She kissed him hard, choking back a sob. Michael wrapped his arms around her back and they sat up together, just hugging and kissing.

“I love you, Michael,” she said between kisses. “I love you so much. I love you so, so much.”

“I love you, Kit. I will always be around. Always. Don’t hurt yourself, please. Live. Live for me. Prove you love me and live.” He brushed the pad of his thumb along her trembling lower lip. His glow grew brighter and brighter until he was completely swallowed up in light. Kit had to shield her eyes.

When she lowered her hands from her face, she found herself back on the edge of the tub, razor blade in hand. Coldplay still played from the iPod and it was like no time was lost. She immediately dropped the razor to the floor and began to cry. She would live for him. She stood and walked to the sink, observing herself in the mirror. Her lips were swollen from kissing and the side of her cheek was pink, proof of Michael’s scruff rubbing against her. She smiled, touching her cheek. Leaning forward, she breathed across the glass of the mirror, fogging it up. Michael’s handwritten “I love you” appeared.

“I love you, too,” Kit whispered.


End file.
